When The Smoke Clears

Children of the tracking boards, did we come to Hollywood to make movies, or what? Hell yes. And next to a great script, a visionary director, and a twenty million dollar star, what's the most important aspect of filmmaking?

Cigarettes.

Because everybody's addicted. Hip filmmakers, witty writers and consummate actors all smoke. Every single one of the hardest working agents, managers and development executives puff away. Even the best assistants, aspiring to one day be as important as their boss' Friday lunch, head out to the sidewalk for a quick, five minute session. If you're remotely involved in this industry and you don't smoke, haven't ever smoked, or are afraid of smoking, you're in the minority. You're missing the boat, and it's absolutely imperative you have at least one cig habit during your filmmaking career.

I used to smoke. Marlboro Lights. I started while working at a big four agency and kicked the habit when I was a development executive for a production company. While I was a smoker, I also wrote a spec I was sure would knock me into America's top income tax bracket by the ripe old age of twenty six. And a decade or so down the road, if I'm an A-List director, knocking back cans of half-billion dollar films… I'll probably take up smoking again.

Although I haven't smoked in over a year now, my previous inhalation experiences made me a semi-expert expert in Hollywood smoking habits. Even now I spend most of my days dreaming about the time that I did. The days where I'd rip the silver lining from a box, grab the first whiff of tobacco, and lead the legions of other office smokers out to the patio. Once out there, we'd all flip the little cancer sticks into our mouth and start talking.

And that was the part I liked best -- the friends that came with smoking. It was almost like a club… especially in Hollywood. I felt like a member of The Patio Association, The Addiction Group and B.S.I. --Backlot Smokers International. Which, of course, led me to believe that smoking really is the ultimate filmmaking vice. It takes place in and around bars, at its core it's an anti-establishment ritual and, most importantly, it's a great networking tool. I know firsthand. I made lots of friend. Although I was aware that keeping the habit up would lead me to an early death, smoking made filmmaking that much easier… so what did it matter?

That being said, where are the best industry spots to smoke in Hollywood? Since lighting up is illegal inside California bars, the puff clubs had to focus their membership meetings at bars with patios. Here are some of my favorite outdoor local hotspots with great ashtray patios.

Goldfingers
Although you genuinely risk your life walking from the valet (located in a nearby strip mall parking lot) to the front door, this popular industry bar/club spins some of the funkiest music in town while providing a large patio with its own outdoor bar. This patio's not only perfect for a true smoker, but it's also one of the best when you're attempting to quit. There's so many people puffing in such a tight space, the second hand exposure equates to approximately half a pack. Combine the fact that, on normal weekend nights, this patio gets so cramped that people under five feet tall can't actually walk, with the overwhelming ratio of nic addicts to non-smokers and, for the poor soul carnally hungering for one last drag, this patio's perfect.6423 Yucca St., Hollywood (323) 962-2913

Bar Marmont
The patio's smaller than others, but when a true industry smoker works the 'pretension factor' into the equation, they immediately come to realize that Bar Marmont's one of the premiere light ups on Sunset. Like an Oxygen Bar in reverse, the 'pretension factor' is the organic experience of combining a good Camel with high levels of ego. In doing so, the puffer actually heightens their physical response to the nicotine - (I always equated it to smoking without a filter). Beyond Bar Marmont's cute glass martini containers, major factors that assist in its powerful nicotine high include: 1) Separation of church and state. Inside, the super-aggressive host constantly reminds laymen of the main bar that the aristocracy of the dining room will not intermingle. On the patio, however, you can, even if you're not eating, smoke next to those with expense accounts, in turn intensifying the inhalation experience. 2) The bar's look. The bizarre combination of 'locust theme' and a Survivor-esque palm tree entrance, constantly reminds smokers that they are among the elite of the industry. Bars catering to people outside of Hollywood would find it near impossible to make these interiors credible. 8171 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood (323) 650-0575

Rix and Renee's
The Santa Monica Celebrity Deathmatch of bars. Ask most agents and executives where they do drinks in Santa Monica and they're bound to name either Rix or Renee's Courtyard Café. Both are hip spots with great food and solid bars. Their popularity, however, comes from their famous patios. Although Rix tends to cater to a more sophisticated crowd, Renee's back-alley-feel draws just as many nic addicts. On most weekends, Rix offers the power-patio combination of live music and two bars. Add that to a swanky executive clientele and a beautiful bamboo chair setting, and the average industry smoker is sure to feel right at home. A few blocks down, the more down-home patio at Renee's offers a nice after-work retreat to light up a Lucky Strike. The mid- twenties crowd, mostly in jeans, smokes with script-talking voracity. On most nights, Renee, herself, helps the hipsters at the bar sell projects and fall in love. With a relaxed mood, each cigarette like its own little vacation from life. Rix, 1413 5th St., Santa Monica (310) 656-9688. Renee's, 522 Wilshire Blvd., Santa Monica (310) 451-9341

Cat and The Fiddle
Like Renee's Courtyard in Santa Monica, the fountain at the center of the Cat's patio provides a relaxing atmosphere to sit back, take a drag, and talk about the short you just wrapped. On weekend nights there's usually a bar outside to compliment the great pub atmosphere inside. Although a Shepherd's Pie off the main menu completes the experience, there's no better place to draw a pint of Bass or Guinness and pop a Silk Cut between the lips. Although many industry-ites hang out at the Sunset bar, you probably won't recognize them in their jeans and t-shirts. So bring a pack to your local puffing club, plan to stumble out, and enjoy smoking under a starry night in a beautiful courtyard. 6530 West Sunset Blvd.,Hollywood (323) 468-3800

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